Get ready to gouge your eyes out

So as if the whole world did not already know, my surgery is set for July 3 at 7:30AM. I will have to be to the surgery center at 6:30. To the dismay of many around here, this will be an outpatient surgery and is scheduled to last 6 hours. Here is what the doc said yesterday.

1. I will have 2, (possibly 3) incisions. One that runs hip to hip (about 3/4 of the way back on the hip), 1 that runs vertically from groin to breast bone, and then possibly one that is horizontal just underneath the bra line. She won't know until she sees how much puckering there will be at the top.

2. She has no idea how much muscle repair I will need. She said she wouldn't know until she gets in there.

3. She may or may not move my port. It depends on how much of a fat pad there is between my port and the muscle. If there is not a lot, she will leave it. If there is a fair amount, then she will unstitch the port, remove the fat, and resecure the port to my muscle. Lovely...port pain again! She will not be changing the location of the port and has the complete support of my lap-band surgeon.

4. She will lipo the mons area and lift as well. This is being thrown in as a bonus. She said she is not going to charge me for the lipoing of the mons area because she didn't originally think I would need it, but now she thinks it would be better. She said it is not enough to justify recalculating the fees.

5. I will be receiving a pain pump that will last for 48 hours. She gave me the option of showing me how to remove it myself (WTH!) or to move up my post-op and come in on Monday and have her remove it. I opted for the second! I am not a biologist/doctor...that is what I pay them the big bucks for!

6. She is so excited that I am running the half-marathon before surgery because it will cause great circulation and put me in the best shape of my life. She was not concerned about the weightloss because of my muscle tone. She didn't want to see me losing a lot of weight just due to low calories and poor nutrition which can be a problem for healing. But after seeing the muscle tone in my arms and legs she is EXTREMELY confident in my ability to heal quickly.

They took a bunch of pictures and I got my prescriptions for surgery. They are all liquid as this was the only thing that my lap-band surgeon suggested. I did not want to get a pill stuck and be throwing up! So I will just gag from the flavor instead. Liquid pain meds and liquid antibiotics. Sounds like a party. I can sit in my recliner like chair with a straw and party umbrella in my medical cocktail and feel like I am sitting on the beach...with my new "bikini body"!

And now...what everyone has been waiting for... the pictures...as hideous as they may be!